Now that I don't live with my parents, I have to make an effort to see them if I want to keep them in my life. On some days, this isn't so hard, as most of my clients live in their part of town and I often treat their house as my hub of operations, dropping in for a few minutes on the two days I teach there. But often these little visits aren't anything close to quality time, so we all try to do dinner once a week together, often preferring to eat out, as that's generally better for everyone.
When we go out though, I think I often end up making my dad uncomfortable, as I have a tendency towards rather outspoken liberal conversation, even when surrounded by most-probably a majority of suburban conservatives (who love Jesus and tend to like to keep their minds in their insecure little boxes...just had to throw that one in!). Oftentimes my dad will actually ask me to change the subject, especially if the conversation is getting heated or uncomfortable for him.
See, I'm pretty much the only confrontational person in my nuclear family, but for me, my preference for "confrontation" is actually more of a preference for honest, straight-forward talking aimed at arriving at meaningful conclusions. I'm never simply trying to make things complicated or difficult for everyone...I just feel that this is how progress (both personal and cultural) is made: we have to talk about ideas if we're going to help progress the Zeitgeist.
Anyway, I almost always enjoy meeting up with my parents (apart from the occasional time when we get in big arguments), but as time goes on it becomes increasingly clear that our similarities are diminishing, and therefore our need for agreeing to disagree is rising sharply. Regardless, I love them and am grateful that we are afforded the opportunity to meet up so regularly...I just hope we always end up dealing with our differences in a constructive way.
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3 comments:
I don't think that going to church on Christmas is hypocritical. If it means nothing to you, at least it is a chance to be with your family and make your mom and dad happy. It sounds like they have really been supportive of you (although not always agreeing with you, but they can put that aside).
Even if you feel it is a waste of time and makes you uncomfortable, just think how many hours you spend at movies, etc.. that you later blog were horrible and complete wastes of time. At least at church, you are doing something for someone else, even if not for yourself. Hope you will reconsider....
I'm sorry, who is this? Although this IS a public blog, it IS highly personal, and I find it pretty unfair that you try to give me unsolicited advice and yet don't tell me who you are. If you don't feel like doing so, I think it only fair that you discontinue from commenting on my blog.
And, about this spending hours at movies thing...I never go into a movie expecting it to be horrible: I always give it a fair shot. Even if they do turn out to be bad, I consider myself a better person by becoming more aware of the work that has been done in film thus far, and thus I never consider it a "complete waste of time."
By contrast, I DID try religion in a big way for a long time. It's taken me a while to realize what I believe now, and I'm not about to pretend this isn't who I am after all this soul-searching.
One of my core values is integrity, and going to church just to appease my parents' insecurities that I might be heading down the wrong path is disingenuous and wrong. The way I see it, it's not all that different from being gay but then turning around and dating women just because that's what your parents want. My parents should accept me for me, atheist or not, and shouldn't need false reassurances to get them through. I love them, but asking me to be fake is wrong.
Also, the way I see it, supporting churches (with money, attendance, or other forms of support) is not "doing something for someone else"...rather, it's weakening the true moral fiber of our country by promoting ignorance and faith-based "reasoning". Encouraging my parents to continue not thinking freely is as much a disservice to them as pretending to be something I'm not is a disservice to myself.
Besides, my parents' church is very clear about not wanting people to participate in communion hypocritically, and although this certainly isn't the only thing keeping me from going, I think it does partially contradict your belief that going to church on Christmas is not hypocritical.
Thanks for the clarification. I see now where you're coming from.
As for the gay thing: You shouldn't date women just because that's what your parents expect. It's unfair both to you and to the women! Be whoever you want to be. I'm sure your folks will understand, eventually.
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